What's are some of the best pistols for home defense? lower recoil, reliable and control?

Pay no attention to the liberal 's and their anti-self defense rhetoric in other answers. They spew learned ignorance from years of tree hugger training. Now for the answer to your question! The best gun for you to use is the one you are most comfortable using. You could have something as huge as a 105mm howitzer, but if you aren't comfortable with it, it's not the best suited for you. When it comes to defense, any gun is better than no gun. Go to the gun shop, handle guns until you find one that feels good. In your price range, Glocks, Springfield XD's, and the S&W M&P series are all good choices. For your issue with hand size, check the S&W M&P. The M&P comes with three interchangeable grips, so it can easily be changed to fit your size. And, for just shy of 500 bucks, it's a bargain and a hell of a good shooter.